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Texan Bucket List!!!

I went to my mailbox yesterday and got my monthly issue of Texas Monthly.  TM is a must read for me every month because it is so insightful to the Texas scenes of politics, food, music, and great things to do here in our Great State.  The title to this month's issue is "The Bucket List: 63 things all Texans should do before they die."  Of course this intrigues me so I checked out how well I have done in my 30 years as a Texan at getting the things on this list knocked out.  Here is how I did:

Of the 63 things that I, as a Texan, must do before I die, I have completed only 14.  Those 14 things are still quite an accomplishment including driving all the way across Texas in one trip, eat a kolache at the Czech Stop, drink a Dublin Dr. Pepper, see the Christmas lights on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, amongst others that I have accomplished.  There are a few on this list that are definately a must do to me like eating a rib eye at Perini Ranch, buy a pair of custom boots, explore Palo Duro Canyon, and climb Mt. Cristo Rey near El Paso.  The list did leave out a few things that I have done, that I feel every Texan needs to do before they die.  Here are my additions to this fantastic list:

64. Sit Around a Campfire at Night Without One City Light in Sight

65. "Accidentally" Fall Into the Riverwalk in San Antonio

66. Graduate from a Texas College

67. See a UT v. A&M Football Game at Both Venues

68. Eat at Whataburger and Taco Bueno in the Same Day

69. Read Lone Star by T.R. Fehrenbach

70. Visit the San Jacinto Monument

71. Visit the Alamo

72. Drive Through Hill Country With the Windows Down and the Radio Off

73. Eat at Salt Lick Barbeque in Dripping Springs

74. Eat at Babe's in Roanoke

75. Visit the Bob Bullock Museum in Austin

76. Hunt Deer in the Golden Triangle of Deer Hunting, Llano, Mason, and Gillespie Counties

77. Buy a Mexican Blanket at a Roadside Stand on the Mexico Border

78. Two Step at Billy Bob's

79. Eat at Joe T. Garcia's

80. See a Lyle Lovett Concert at Bass Performance Hall

81. Watch an Odessa Permian High School Football Game at Ratliff Stadium

82. See a Rodeo in Mesquite

83. Eat at Freebird's and the Dixie Chicken in the Same Day in College Station

84. Read Twelve Mighty Orphans and Junction Boys by Jim Dent

85. Take a Tour of the Nokona Factory

86. See the Bats Fly in Downtown Austin

87. Visit the Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels

88. Attend Germanfest in Muenster

89. Eat Blue Bell Ice Cream in Brenham

90. Eat Tortillas at the Alamo Cafe in San Antonio

91. Drink Ruta Maya Shade Grown Coffee Roasted in Austin

92. Smoke Your Own Brisket and Ribs

And a few things that I haven't done yet, like:

93. Cliff Dive at Possom Kingdom Lake

94. Go to Fiesta in San Antonio

95. Stay at the Menger Hotel in San Antonio

96. Attend the Terlingua Chili Cook Off

95. See a Baseball Game at LaGrave Field in Fort Worth

96. Swim in Barton Springs

97. Camp Out at Mustang Island

98. Get Your Picture Taken in a Bunch of Bluebonnets

99. Deep Sea Fishing in Port Aransas

100. Attend Willie Nelson's Fourth of July Picnic

 

National Championship Live Blog!!!

7:00 - Thirty minutes of pregame and then it is ON!  I am already very excited because this is a very good uniform matchup.  You have the classic look of Bama's home jerseys with the classy numbers on the helmet and Texas is in their beautiful all whites.  I watched the 2006 game this afternoon during daddy day care (thank you icy road conditions) and the announcing crews are a wash.  Keith Jackson is WAY better than Musburger but Herbstreit is WAY better than Dan Fouts.

7:05 - The male sideline reporter with the purple polka dotted pocket cloth just said that what he gained from his "in depth" interview with Nick Saban is that he is anxious about this game.  Are those people really necessary?

7:09 - The cow commercials for Chick-Fil-A are genius.  Any ad campaign that includes bovines jumping out of a plane onto a burger vendor is ok with me.

7:11 - The Lovely Mrs. Coach Pounds is currently making pork chops for dinner and the house is starting to smell like I dream heaven would.  What a great wife!

7:12 - Is Mark May blind?  What is with the sunglasses at nightime?  In other news, can someone translate for me what Lou Holtz just said, all I heard was mush mush mush.

7:15 - I am glad that Texas is playing Alabama instead of Florida.  I don't like the Horns D against running quarterbacks.  I also like that the Bama bandwagon isn't like the USC bandwagon 4 years ago.  Plus, they have a Texas quarterback.

7:17 - Roger Clemons is at the game on the field?  If Texas loses, I am blaming him.  I was probably finding someone else to blame his steroids on other than his wife.

7:25 - I am so glad that the pregame had nothing to do with Matthew McConaughey.  Anytime he represents my favorite college team, I die a little more inside.

7:29 - The Kid just started crying.  It is like she knew kickoff is a mere seconds away.  I will try the ignore tactic and see if the wife caves.

7:32 - Performing the national anthem is Josh Groban and Flea.  Were the Rose Bowl people trying to pick the most random coupling for this?  Is the halftime show being put on by Andrea Bocelli and Prince?  You can't tell me that wouldn't be an awesome rendition of Purple Rain.  Imagine it if you can.

7:37 - I couldn't hear what Keith Jackson just said before he tossed the coin, but I think he was talking about being able to whoop Brent Musberger in a "to the death" cage match.  Would you bet against him?  Would that be the highest grossing pay per view event ever?

7:39 - The Wife caved!  Come on Kid, go to sleep now because the next turn is mine.  Kickoff time!  Hook 'em Defense!

7:42 - Tackle for a loss, penalty, sack, an incompletion, and a fake punt for an interception?  I now see why Saban wanted the ball to start the game.  I love his gameplan.  Keep it up Nick!

7:45 - 2 first downs in 4 plays!  I hate that I can't yell right now...oh dear...no...tell me Colt isn't hurt...wait...COMMERCIAL...this whole game hinges on this injury and you went to commercial?  I hate ABC almost as much as the AT&T vs. Verizon ads...almost...I am about to start crying.

7:49 - THIS IS THE LONGEST COMMERCIAL BREAK EVER!!!  PLEASE ABC, STOP KILLING ME!!!

7:50 - Shoulder injury?  Which shoulder?  Texas doesn't have a running game!  The Texas hopes for a national championship now rest on a true freshman's shoulders.  Now a touchdown is called back.  Is this hell?

7:53 - The freshman threw it away!  Colt is going to the locker room!  Texas may have to win this game 3-0.  Come on defense!  In Will Muschamp I Trust!

7:54 - The guy driving the monster truck into the party makes me laugh every time...well everytime when Colt McCoy isn't knocked out of a game...the way he yells right before he is cut off by the beer sliding across water is hilarious...well...everytime but that time.

7:57 - Texas recovered the kick!  Can Texas field goal their way to a national championship?  Defense and special teams baby!

7:58 - ABC just flashed the freshman's stats from this season on the screen.  Now I am crying.

7:59 - 6-0 Texas!  Hunter Lawerence, the best thing to ever come out of Boerne, TX.  Sorry Charlie, you are great, but that guy is going to have to be the MVP of this game if Texas is going to win.

8:02 - Colt doesn't have his pads on anymore!  How am I more emotional about this than his parents are right now?  Come on D!

8:04 - With Colt out, Mark Ingram shouldn't be allowed to play.  It's only fair...wait...Nick Saban is doing that for me.  Bama is in empty!  Another sack!  I love Nick Saban!

8:08 - If Dr. Dre really was a doctor, he would know that drinking Dr. Pepper would give me kidney stones, even if I drink it slow.  Liar.  Yet another AT&T commercial.  They are in the lead 2 to nothing.  Verizon has yet to show up.

8:11 - Oh what a terrible offensive series.  Where is Mr. Miagi to heal Colt's shoulder?  I am so scared right now.

8:16 - End of the 1st Quarter with Texas still up 6-0, but Bama is knocking on the door.  The start of this game couldn't have gone better...save for that whole "the entire offense of this team going down with a shoulder injury thing."  Someone please find out how Roger Clemons did this?  You know he has something to do with this!

8:20 - Touchdown Alabama.  I am sick.  This is not good in the worst way.  Is there any way that we can use all of Vince Young's last year of eligability for this game?

8:26 - Another horrible series, and now the freshman is hurt.  Texas is going to have to punt on first down every series unless Vince is allowed to come in.

8:27 - Please tell me that the "Taco Bell Diet" is really a joke.  It sounds like a bad stand up routine in response to Jared Fogle eating sandwiches.  Is there one human being out there taking the "Taco Bell Diet" seriously?  I sure hope not.  I predict that Verizon will be the Alabama of ads during this game, start off slow and come back to throttle AT&T.  The only way this parallel could work out any better is if Luke Wilson were to go down with an injury and couldn't talk anymore.  Would you miss him?

8:32 - I swear that Nick Saban bet on Texas in Vegas on his way to Pasadena.  He said, "We could win this game by less than 4.5 if I only play the best player in all of college football sparingly, keep trying to throw the ball, and not catch kickoffs."  AT&T is not going quietly into the night!  3-1 Luke Wilson trying to establish a commanding lead.

8:36 - Yet another bad looking 3 and out series for the Longhorns and Colt's dad has been called down to the locker room to console his son.  Now I know why The Kid was crying so much.  Babies can tell when things like this are going to happen.

8:41 - 40+ yard touchdown run right up the middle on the best run defense in the nation by Bama's backup running back.  14-6 Bama and still no signs of life from Colt McCoy and his injured shoulder.  Somewhere Sam Bradford is smiling a smile of sweet revenge.

8:45 - Hey a first down...haven't seen one of those in a while by Texas.  Maybe things aren't as bad as they...interception...I wonder if a rerun of an episode of Friday Night Lights is on my DVR.

8:49 - I am starting to feel bad for Alabama now.  They are a really good football team and who knows if they would win this game if Colt was healthy, but this game will now forever be known as the Colt McCoy injury game and not Alabama's national championship game.  Even as a Texas fan, this makes be feel bad for Alabama.

8:53 - The answer to the future trivia question is Coach Norris.  The question of course is, "Who was the first person to contact me and offer their condolences for this game?"  That's right, she sent me her reguards with 3:00 left in the 2nd quarter and Texas down only 8, and my only comeback is "Thanks.  I need friends in times like this."

8:59 - If Saban goes for this, I am right about him having money on the game.  Nope, field goal because he doesn't want it to be completely obvious that he is trying to shave points.  17-6 Bama and halftime can't come quick enough.

9:02 - What is Texas doing?  Why are you calling timeout?  Are there better odds on your TRUE FRESHMAN quarterback leading your team down the field for 3 points on a great defense, or something bad happening.  I am worried that Mack is trying to make sure that Saban doesn't get his money from point shaving.

9:04 - A shovel pass gets picked off for a touchdown and now Alabama is up 24-6.  I know this will shock most of you, but sometimes I HATE being right all the time.  Now the quarterback is not only a true freshman, he is a rattled true freshman.  Halftime.  I need Advil.

9:10 - For the second time in this blog, I have to say that I am sorry to Charlie.  I would be sick if I spent thousands of dollars to go out to Pasadena, bought game tickets, stayed in a hotel, etc. and the game ends up like this one probably will because of an injury.  I guess I don't feel too bad for him though because he was there 4 years ago for the most amazing game in the history of the world.  I am so sick right now.

9:18 - AT&T 4, Verizon 1.  This is becoming a blood bath.  Put that on your map!

9:22 - Is ABC having to show band footage because of a lack of things to talk about outside of the McCoy injury?  Do you really think they wanted to spend that precious time filming overweight horn blowers?

9:24 - If by some miracle the freshman quarterback leads Texas in a comeback to win this game, there is no question in my mind that it will lead to the most successful Made for TV Movie in the history of television.

9:26 - Nothing says GET READY FOR SOME BIG TIME COLLEGE FOOTBALL like the Dave Matthews Band.  The play where Colt goes down is going to become my Bill Buckner moment.  Can you imagine how many times that play will be replayed over the next year?  I need more Advil.

9:30 - The second half is under way.  If they will not let Vince Young play, can Major get in there and make things happen?  He is technically on the team.

9:33 - The way that Kirk and Brent are calling this game now, it is like they feel sorry for Texas and anyone that is a Texas fan that is being forced to watch this game.  An apology after a bad play is coming, I guarantee it.  Anytime something remotely positive happens for Texas they overreact like we just finished off the Germans in World War II.

9:37 - I sure hope that isn't Charlie running out onto the field right now and getting escorted away by security...ok...that's a lie...what a great story he could turn that into!

9:40 - I hope Coach Swearingen is happy that Texas is trying to give the DC from Alabama the Tech job tonight.  I can just imagine that interview:

Gerald Meyers - So what is your plan to stop the high potent offenses in the Big 12?

Bama DC - Hurt their quarterback in the first offensive series and rendering their offense completely inept.  I have a friend at BYU that it worked for earlier this season and as you can see by this giant ring, it worked for me too.

Gerald Meyers - YOU'RE HIRED!!!  Now please don't put Craig James' kid in a closet or shed and everything should be just fine.

9:44 - All is not lost for this game.  I just saw a cartoon man slapping his own rear end in celebration for saving money on his car insurance.  There really is a Santa Claus.

9:46 - Colt can clap his hands, but can't throw a football?  Come on!  Even when this freshman makes a good throw the receivers not named Shipley are so shocked that he made a good throw that they drop the pass.  Unbelieveable.

9:48 - Nevermind that "receivers not named Shipley" thing.  Just change that to "receivers."

9:51 - It is hard to believe that one of the most inspiring commercials that I have seen in a while is from Office Max.  The same people that had the black guy with the big fro from "My Name Is Earl" dancing while handing out office supplies.  Do you believe in miracles?

9:53 - Mark Ingram is pretending to be hurt half way through the 3rd quarter just to rub this whole game in.  What a jerk.  I hope that his Heisman Trophy gets OJed from him.

9:55 - The field position is inching closer and closer to yet another chance at a Texas field goal!  Small victories.  AT&T 5-1.  Luke Wilson just put on his "Cell Phone Map Commercial Championship Hat" on and there are a couple of AT&T employees getting the Gatorade ready.

9:59 - Once again, are sideline reporters really necessary?  Lisa Salters just interviewed Colt McCoy's dad and she stated that he was "upset."  Groundbreaking stuff.

10:00 - Congratulations to Colt McCoy for winning the All American of the Year Award.  You can use it to help prop up your arm after the game.  Ice and elevate Colt, ice and elevate.

10:02 - Is Greg McElroy now going to be the Trent Dilfer of college football?  He is terrible.  Alabama may be better off taking a knee for the rest of the game.  He has been sacked more times than he has completed a pass.

10:05 - Is this freshman 4 foot tall?  Every other pass he throws gets batted down.  I guess it is better than an interception.

10:06 - Shipley scores on a beautiful post route and a good ball from the freshman.  I hope he has a Wes Welkeresque career in the NFL.  He is great and near the top of my all-time Longhorn list.  24-13 Alabama.

10:08 - I love Mack Brown post getting his head kicked in every year by oklahoma.  He got so sick of "Big Game Bob" doing gutsy things to beat him that he learned how to be gutsy himself.  What a great call for the onside kick!  I doubt it turns into anything other than field position, but I am still proud of Mack.

10:11 - I love the short memory of sports fans.  ESPN just had an ad about their local websites and featured a guy who cheated on his SAT's representing Chicago, a guy who dumped his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant representing Boston, a suspected rapist representing Los Angeles, and a quarterback that let Jessica Simpson talk him into a Mexico vacation the weekend before the biggest game of his life representing Dallas.  This is why I can't believe that some people really don't think that Tiger will ever recover from his lastest craziness.

10:16 - Is starring in a movie called "Tooth Fairy" a bigger career move for The Rock than going back to wrestling?  Yeah, it is more money staring in goofy children's movies, but you can't put a price on self respect.  Yes, The Rock wearing underwear and fake fighting other men wearing underwear is more honorable than being the tooth fairy.  Hard to believe.

10:20 - Did you see the ref's face when he had to call that PI?  He hated doing it because he felt as bad for Texas as Kirk and Brent do.

10:24 - I am telling you that Saban has money on this game.  Texas is down by 11 with very little hope for getting any offense going if you just cover one receiver.  You punt the ball, pin them in their own end, and let your defense continue to dominate.  Attempting that field goal is the final proof that I need that Saban is shaving points to line his pockets.

10:30 - Moral victory: Texas has matched the amount of points that Florida scored on Alabama in the SEC Championship game with a true freshman backup quarterback.

10:33 - This is the best defense in the country?  All they have to do is cover Shipley and this game is over...oh yeah...the line is 4.5 and Saban has to make his money.

10:35 - HOLY CRAP!  Touchdown Texas on another pass to Shipley AND they got the 2 point conversion.  There is a Made for TV Movie producer on the phone to the Texas Athletic Department right now.  This is unbelieveable!  24-21 Alabama.  How is this happening?  Once again, all Alabama has to do is cover one guy and they win the game.

10:40 - Ingram is back.  Now Saban is trying to win the game while preserving the point shaving.  He is within his precious 4.5 now.

10:43 - I am nervous again.  This is a HUGE 3rd down.  Incomplete.  3:21 left in the game and Texas is getting the ball back down by 3.  I am very nervous again.  I have never in my life been more happy to be nervous.

10:47 - Channel Vince Young freshman.  Not the crazy stuff, but how clutch he was in this very game 4 years ago.  Don't go near the crazy stuff.

10:49 - Oh well.  Sack and a fumble recovered by Bama has suddenly not made me nervous anymore.

10:51 - AT&T 6-1.  I think that commercial was just a victory lap and nothing more.  They are running up the score.  Luke Wilson is about to light up a Red Auerbach cigar and laugh in the face of Verizon's map.

10:54 - Touchdown Alabama.  I don't feel sorry for Alabama anymore.  They struggled to beat a true freshman quarterback and the one receiver that he can throw to.  There is no doubt in my mind, or anyone else's mind, that Texas would have won this game if Colt doesn't get hurt.  It is just a silly moral victory for Texas, but it is something.  31-21.

10:59 - Another interception by the freshman.  Ballgame.  Too bad Saban is just going to have to enjoy the 2nd national championship instead of winning all of that point shaving money.  In other news, because there were so many points scored in this game, I will get second in the bowl pick 'em.  Still in the money, but first would have been a good consolation for this game.

11:06 - Well, goodnight.  Thanks to those of you who hung out with me tonight.  You got to witness my anguish and that makes you my friend.  I am proud of Texas and how well they played without their whole offense for most of the game.  I feel bad for Colt, but I am proud to be a Texas Longhorns fan tonight.

Hook 'Em!

Solving Sports Geographical Problems!

 

Right now, only the NFL has their geography right when it comes to professional sports in America (NHL doesn't count, they belong to Canada).  The only arguement that could be made is KC in the AFC West and Dallas in the NFC East.  These were set in place to keep natural rivalries that have been established for many years intact.  So, here is my realignment for the other 2 major American sports leagues and the solution for college football if they approve a playoff:

 

NBA (Nothing too major here, but it still needs to happen - changes in bold)

 

Eastern Conference Atlantic Division

Boston Celtics

Philadelphia 76ers

New Jersey Nets

New York Knicks

Washington Wizards

 

Eastern Conference Central Division

Cleveland Cavaliers

Chicago Bulls

Detroit Pistons

Indiana Pacers

Toronto Raptors

 

Eastern Conference Southeast Division

Orlando Magic

Atlanta Hawks

Miami Heat

Charlotte Bobcats

Memphis Grizzlies

 

Western Conference North (changed from Northwest) Division

Milwaukee Bucks

Minnesota Timberwolves

Portland Trailblazers

Denver Nuggets

Utah Jazz

 

Western Conference Southwest Division

Dallas Mavericks

San Antonio Spurs

Houston Rockets

New Orleans Hornets

Oklahoma City Thunder

 

Western Conference Pacific Division

Los Angeles Lakers

Los Angeles Clippers

Phoenix Suns

Golden State Warriors

Sacramento Kings

 

This solves the following problems:

1.) Washington is nowhere near the south so should not be grouped with them.

2.) Minnesota now has a natural rivalry close to home.

3.) Oklahoma City is nowhere near the Northwest so now they are in the south where they belong with more natural rivalries.

 

MLB (The league expands by 2 teams (San Antonio & Las Vegas)so each league is broken into 4 different divisions and only division winners make the playoffs)

 

American League East

New York Yankees

Boston Red Sox

Toronto Blue Jays

Baltimore Orioles

 

American League West

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Oakland Athletics

Seattle Mariners

Las Vegas Outlaws

 

American League South

Texas Rangers

Tampa Bay Rays

San Antonio Vaqueros

Kansas City Royals

 

American League North

Chicago White Sox

Minnesota Twins

Detroit Tigers

Cleveland Indians

 

National League East

Philadelphia Phillies

Pittsburgh Pirates

New York Mets

Washington Nationals

 

National League West

Los Angeles Dodgers

San Diego Padres

San Francisco Giants

Colorado Rockies

 

National League South

Houston Astros

Arizona Diamondbacks

Atlanta Braves

Florida Marlins

 

National League North

St. Louis Cardinals

Chicago Cubs

Milwaukee Brewers

Cincinnati Reds

 

The National League South is not too geographically sound other than all of those teams are in the south, but other than that there are no more than 2 time zones in each division and each of those time zones are only 1 hour difference which should boost overall TV ratings and geographical rivalries.

 

College Football (If a playoff is ever approved here is what they should do: 10 Power Conferences of 9 teams each and everyone plays each other and 3 non-conference games.  There is no championship game for the conference and when you win the conference you are automatically in.  All other teams in D1 that are left out of these divisions will play for a playoff spot and the other 5 playoff positions will be awarded to the 5 highest ranked teams that did not win their conference based on the BCS.  The seeds of the playoffs will be determined by BCS ranking.  They are only allowed to schedule teams from the Power 10 Conferences for their non-conference games.)

 

Northwest Conference

Washington

Washington State

Idaho

Boise State

Oregon

Oregon State

Wyoming

Utah

BYU

 

Western Conference

California

Stanford

USC

UCLA

Nevada

UNLV

San Jose State

Fresno State

San Diego State

 

Southwest Conference

Arizona

Arizona State

Colorado

Colorado State

Air Force

New Mexico

New Mexico State

UTEP

Texas Tech

 

North Central Conference

Minnesota

Wisconsin

Iowa State

Iowa

Northern Illinois

Nebraska

Kansas

Kansas State

Missouri

 

Mid America Conference

Oklahoma

Oklahoma State

Arkansas

Tulsa

Memphis

Vanderbilt

Tennessee

SMU

TCU

 

Southern Conference

Mississippi

Mississippi State

Texas

Texas A&M

Houston

Rice

LSU

Southern Mississippi

Baylor

 

Northeastern Conference

Northwestern

Illinois

Purdue

Indiana

Notre Dame

Michigan

Michigan State

Ohio State

Cincinnati

 

Southeastern Conference

Alabama

Auburn

Florida

Florida State

Miami, FL

South Florida

Central Florida

Georgia

Georgia Tech

 

Eastern Conference

East Carolina

North Carolina

North Carolina State

Duke

Wake Forest

Kentucky

Louisville

Virginia

Virginia Tech

 

Northeastern Conference

West Virginia

Pittsburgh

Penn State

Maryland

Rutgers

Syracuse

Connecticut

Boston College

The Winner of the Previous Year's Army/Navy Game

 

Play in Conferences (Champions from the North and South play each other for the opportunity to play in the 16 team playoff)

 

South

Utah State

North Texas

La. - Monroe

La. - Lafayette

Arkansas State

Tulane

UAB

Troy

Florida International

Florida Atlantic

Western Kentucky

Middle Tennessee State

 

North

Central Michigan

Eastern Michigan

Western Michigan

Toledo

Bowling Green

Kent State

Akron

Ohio

Miami, OH

Marshall

Buffalo

Loser of the Previous Year's Army/Navy Game

 

If this was in place last year, it would have gone something like this:

 

First Round (by BCS Ranking before bowls were played)

1. Oklahoma vs. Play-In

2. Florida vs. 21. Mizzou

3. Texas vs. 19. Virginia Tech

4. Alabama vs. 13. Oklahoma State

5. USC vs. 12. Cincinnati

6. Utah vs. 11. TCU

7. Texas Tech vs. 10. Ohio State

8. Penn State vs. 9. Boise State

 

Tell me that wouldn't have been entertaining.  The highest ranked team that would have been left out of the playoff would have been #14 Georgia Tech.

 

Solving your sports problems...CoachPounds.com!

 
Music Video Review!
 

If you read my last post, you know that I spent a large amount of time this weekend watching old music videos on YouTube.  So I thought that I would share with you the best music video by year from the years that MTV actually played music videos.  Please do not confuse this with the best song of the year, just video as it deals with the song.  We start with 1982, because any video before Billie Jean is inconsequential (sorry about any commercials you have to endure to watch these videos).

 

1982 - Billie Jean by Michael Jackson - This was the birth of the music video.

 

1983 - Rock It by Herbie Hancock - This is where creativity meets the completely insane.

 

1984 - The Boys of Summer by Don Henley - Cool video, but kinda wins by default because not much else was that good.

 

1985 - Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer - Robert Palmer has a hit song and so for the first time it is proven that a sexy video can sell a bad song.

 

1986 - Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel - Just as creative as Rock It without all the insanity.

 

1987 - Where the Streets Have No Name by U2.  The original concert on a roof in the middle of a crazy intersection all documented and made into a music video.  God Bless Ireland.

 

1988 - Parents Just Don't Understand by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince - Who knew that a song speaking out against parents would launch a successful family TV show, then some family friendly CDs, some not so family movies, and now he is on top of Hollywood.  Even when he makes a bad movie, he makes more money than any of us ever will.  Oh, by the way, I am talking about Will Smith, not DJ Jazzy Jeff.  Just so you don't get confused.

 

1989 - Epic by Faith No More - One of the greatest mysteries to me is how this band didn't have more staying power.  This song was so great and if they would have had a couple of others, no one would be saying that Pearl Jam and Nirvana brought in the alternative/grunge age.  Then again Seattle is a better birthplace for this genre than San Francisco.

 

That's it for the 80's.  The following videos get honerable mention for their respective years:

 

1983 - Thriller by Michael Jackson & Legs by ZZ Top

1984 - Don't Come Around Here No More by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, We Are The World by USA for Africa, & Pride(In The Name of Love) by U2

1985 - Take on Me by a-ha

1986 - With or Without You by U2 & Walk This Way by Run DMC featuring Aerosmith

1987 - Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd & Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith

1988 - Like a Prayer by Madonna, Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson, & This Note's For You by Neil Young

1989 - Poison by Bel Biv DeVoe, Rhythm Nation by Janet Jackson, & Love Shack by The B52's

 

1990 - "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. - Such a great video.  Such a great song.  Such an underrated band.

 

1991 - "Right Now by Van Halen" - It takes a very special video to overcome a mediocre song from one of the most overrated bands of all time.

 

1992 - "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam - Of course I am, at the very least, a little biased.  This is the greatest music video of all time.  The song is about a kid from Richardson.

 

1993 - "Sabotage" by Beastie Boys - Even those of you foolish enough to not like the Beastie Boys, you should at least enjoy the hilarity of this video.  I need a mustache.

 

1994 - "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots - The weakest of the greats of the 90's.  Not much competition in 1994.

 

1995 - "Killing Me Softly" by The Fugees - Such a great collection of all stars.  Such a shame they only made one album before they all made money on their solo projects.

 

1996 - "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai - If there is such a thing as a one hit wonder for music videos, this is it.  With that said, this is a great video.

 

1997 - "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" by Busta Rhymes - Music video meet Mr. Hype Williams.  You are now forever changed.

 

1998 - "Are You That Somebody?" by Aaliyah - Such great dancing and it doesn't hurt that Aaliyah might be the hottest woman to walk on this planet, other than The LMCP...of course...

 

1999 - "Sleep Now In The Fire" by Rage Against the Machine - They shut down trading early because RATM was shooting this video outside.  How awesome is that?  Also, the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? parody is a great peak into the mentality of the materialistic drunkeness of our society.

 

That's it for the 90's.  The following videos get honerable mention for their respective years:

 

1990 - "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, "Momma Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J, and "Summertime" DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

1991 - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, "Under the Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, and "Tennessee" by Arrested Development

1992 - "Livin on the Edge" by Aerosmith, "Man on the Moon" by R.E.M., and "Nuthin' But A G Thang" by Dr. Dre

1993 - "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M., "Loser" by Beck, and "Fantastic Voyage" by Coolio

1994 - "Keep Their Heads Ringin" by Dr. Dre

1995 - "Where It's At" by Beck, "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine, and "California Love" by 2Pac

1996 - "The New Pollution" by Beck, "Un-Break My Heart" by Toni Braxton, and "A Long December" by Counting Crows

1997 - "Triumph" by Wu Tang Clan, "Karma Police" by Radiohead, "Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters, and "Don't Drink the Water" by Dave Matthews Band (1997 is without question the greatest year in the history of music videos)

1998 - "My Name Is" by Eminem, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" by Lauren Hill, and "Intergalactic" by Beastie Boys

1999 - "Learn to Fly" by Foo Fighters, "Big Pimpin" by Jay-Z, and "Californiacation" by Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

2000 - "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim - As if "More Cowbell" wasn't enough, Christopher Walken puts out this performance.  Priceless.

 

2001 - "Everyday" by Dave Matthews Band - This video does a great job of reflecting the feelings all Americans had after 9/11.  Plus, there is nothing quite like a fat guy going around hugging people.

 

2002 - "Hurt" by Johnny Cash - Haunting.  Absolutely haunting.  God bless Johnny Cash.

 

2003 - "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet - Nothing wrong with simplicity.  White background and ink all over the place doing crazy things.

 

2004 - "Ch-Check It Out" by Beastie Boys - Hilarious video with some good lyrics.  I am a huge fan of mustaches, real or fake...and senseless violence.

 

That's it for the 00's and music videos as a whole.  The following videos get honerable mention for their respective years:

 

2000 - "Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz, "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy Elliott, and "Beautiful Day" by U2

2001 - "Bad Boy for Life" by P. Diddy, "By The Way" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, and "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones (get your talons up)

2002 - "Work It" by Missy Elliott and "The Scientist" by Coldplay

2003 - "Hey Ya" by Outkast, "The Reason" by Hoobastank, and "Stand Up" by Ludacris

2004 - "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay, "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers, and "Number One Spot" by Ludacris (for all you Austin Powers fans)

 
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
 
Second Day of TV Week
 
The Transcript of Coach Pounds' Press Conference Admitting That He Used to Watch Saved By The Bell
 
"First, bear with me. I'm a little nervous, or a lot nervous, so bear with me a little bit. Let me start by thanking CoachPounds.com, my friends, my TV, for your support over the last couple weeks. The fact that you're sitting here with me today means the world to me. The last couple weeks have been difficult and emotional. On the one hand, it's extremely tough to admit mistakes. But on the other hand, it feels great to be moving forward. I know that I'm in a position where I have to earn my trust back, and over time I am confident that at the end of my life, people will see this for what it is: a stupid mistake and a lesson learned for a guy with a lot of TV to watch. Last Monday, I began the first step in the process of earning back trust when I sat down with Dennis Haskins. I did so to accomplish two things: to tell the truth and to apologize to TV fans everywhere. Now the next step is to address the media about what I watched and where it came from. On reflection, here's what I remember: As I discussed with Dennis Haskins, in the year 2001, 2002 and 2003, I experimented with a Saved By The Bell that eventually triggered a positive test. In September of 2004, I had a meeting with Dustin Diamond. During that meeting, he explained to me that I had been among the fans from which people might conclude that I tested positive. That was as specific as Dustin could be, because Dustin stated to me that there were a number of fans on that list who might not have actually tested positive. I think it is important to note that the tests that were taken in 2003 were requested and voted by fans to determine the extent of the Saved By The Bell problem at the University of North Texas. Going back to 2001, my cousin started telling me about a show that you could watch over-the-air in the dorm known as, in the streets, it's known as SBTB or Kelly Kopowski is Hot. It was his understanding that it would give me a dramatic energy boost and was otherwise harmless. My cousin and I, one more ignorant than the other, decided it was a good idea to start watching it. My cousin would watch it with me, but neither of us knew how to watch it properly, providing just how ignorant we both were. It was at this point, we decided to watch it twice a month for about six months during the 2001, 2002 and 2003 season. We consulted no one and had no good reason to base that decision. It was pretty evident that we didn't know what we're doing. We did everything we could to keep it between us, and my cousin did not provide any other fans with it. I stopped watching it in 2003 and haven't watched it since. I stopped watching the show for several reasons. In 2003, I had a serious neck injury and it scared me half to death. I was scared for my career and truly my career after watching TV — my life after watching TV. Secondly, after our voluntary test, all the TV watchers voted for a major league anti-Saved By The Bell policy. At that time, it became evident to me how serious this all was, and I decided to stop then. Since that time, I've been tested regularly. I've taken urine tests consistent with TV policy and blood tests for the World TV Classic. Before I walked here today, I took a test as part of my physical, and I'll take another blood test next week for the Classic. In the days ahead, I know that a lot of people are going to debate my past with various opinions. People are going to talk about my future as though it's already been determined, however, I realize that these opinions are out of my control. What is in my control is going out and doing the job that I am blessed to do. Spring TV represents a new start for me and a chance to win a championship, two opportunities I'm very excited about. It isn't lost on me the good fortune I've received from watching TV. When I entered the pros, I was a young kid — the major leagues. I was 18 years old, right out of high school. I thought I knew everything, and I clearly didn't. Like everyone else, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. The only way I know how to handle them is to learn from them and move forward. One thing I know is for sure that TV is a lot bigger than Coach Pounds."

 

"And to my television — (37-second pause) Thank you."

 
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
 
Hottest First Ladies Of All Time
 
Seeing so much of the Obama's the past few days had me wondering about this list.  So with no further ado, all 47 First Ladies in order of hottness:
 
47.) Elenor Roosevelt - for the best line in a movie reguarding a first lady please see Wedding Crashers
45.) Mary Todd Lincoln - not only was she ugly, she was pretty crazy too
44.) Martha Washington - the first was pretty rough, she set a lower standard than her husband
39.) Lou Henry Hoover - the man who receives all the blame for The Great Depression also had a depressing looking wife
34.) Sarah Polk - the most underrated president of all time has a wife that is hard to underrate
33.) Barbara Bush - she was just so old, nothing you can do about that
32.) Bess Truman - I thought of a funny joke about the atom bomb but it is too mean...sorry
31.) Anna Harrison - William Harrison only upgraded 4 spots with his new wife
29.) Rachel Jackson - Ol Hickory could have done better
25.) Hillary Rodham Clinton - it only got worse
19.) Laura Bush - not bad for a librarian (my apologies to all librarians who read CoachPounds.com)
13.) Lady Bird Johnson - I have been to her forest and it is beautiful
11.) Martha Jefferson Randolph - Jefferson's daughter played the role of the first lady and she wasn't too hard on the eyes
9.) Pat Nixon - her husband might be, but she is "not a crook"
7.) Nancy Reagan - so classy
5.) Michelle Obama - congratulations new first lady, you made the top 5
1.) Jackie Kennedy - she will probably never lose this top spot, she was amazingly hot
 
Monday, November 24, 2008
 
Just Call Me Mr. Fix It
 
President-Elect Obama has called for a playoff for college football.  The big wigs of the BCS conferences would never let that happen.  Even the president should stop calling for a playoff to college football because it is never going to happen.  So they both called me, the humble and wise Coach Pounds, to help them find a solution to the issues facing college football that they can both agree on.  Here are my solutions:
 
1.) Regulate the Amount of Teams to be the Same in Every Conference
 
It would help to even the playing field for everyone if all conferences had 12 teams and seperated them in two different divisions like the ACC, SEC, and Big 12 already have.  Here is how I would set it up:
 
Leave the ACC, SEC, and Big 12 the way they are, they got it right.
 
Pac 12 North
Washington
Washington State
Oregon
Oregon State
BYU
Utah
 
Pac 12 South
Cal
Stanford
USC
UCLA
Arizona
Arizona State
 
Big 10 East (although it is really 12, the last 18 years they have had 11 teams and didn't change, why now?)
Penn State
Michigan
Michigan State
Ohio State
Indiana
Purdue
 
Big 10 West
Notre Dame
Illinois
Northwestern
Iowa
Wisconsin
Minnesota
 
Big East North
Syracuse
Connecticut
Rutgers
Pitt
West Virginia
Marshall
 
Big East South
South Florida
Louisville
Cincinnati
Army
Navy
East Carolina
 
Mountain West Pacific
Hawaii
Boise State
San Diego State
Fresno State
San Jose State
Nevada
 
Mountain West Rockies
Air Force
Colorado State
New Mexico
TCU
UNLV
Wyoming
 
Conference USA East
Memphis
UCF
UAB
Southern Mississippi
Louisiana Tech
Tulane
 
Conference USA West
Houston
Rice
SMU
UTEP
Tulsa
New Mexico State
 
Mid-American Conference would stay the same minus Temple
 
Sun Belt West
Utah State
Idaho
North Texas
Arkansas State
Louisiana Lafayette
Louisiana Monroe
 
Sun Belt East
Florida Atlantic
Florida International
Troy
Middle Tennessee State
Temple
Western Kentucky
 
2.) Every Conference Will Have a Conference Championship Game
 
The champion of the 2 divisions will play each other on the second Saturday after Thanksgiving.  How great would that be?  10 championship games to watch on one day!
 
3.) FBS Schools are Only Allowed to Play Other FBS Schools
 
As funny as Appalacian State's win over Michigan was last year, it should have never happened.  Freaking Florida played The Citadel this past weekend.  What's the point?  This way there is more competition and not so many cream puffs to play.  The line to play North Texas for the first game of the season forms to the left, big boys.
 
4.) There is No Such Thing as a BCS Conference
 
What does this do?  You tell me which set of BCS games sounds more appealing based on where they stand right now:
 
Rose Bowl - (17)Oregon State vs. (8)Penn State
Fiesta Bowl - (5)USC vs. (6)Utah
Sugar Bowl - (3)Oklahoma vs. (16)Cincinnati
Orange Bowl - (4)Florida vs. (22)Georgia Tech
BCS Championship - (1)Alabama vs. (2)Texas
 
or...
 
Rose Bowl - (5)USC vs. (6)Utah
Fiesta Bowl - (9)Boise State vs. (10)Ohio State
Sugar Bowl - (7)Texas Tech vs. (8)Penn State
Orange Bowl - (4)Florida vs. (3)Oklahoma
BCS Championship - (1)Alabama vs. (2)Texas
 
I choose the second one and I am pretty sure that you do too.  1 should play 2, 3 should play 4, etc. for these BCS bowls.  Not the champions of stinko conferences should be rewarded by getting stomped by a better school in a better conference.  This will be the toughest sell to the guys at the BCS, but this would give the conferences incentive to recruit harder and play better teams in their non-conference schedules.
 
5.) 5 BCS Bowls in 5 Locations
 
Miami hosting the Orange Bowl and the BCS National Championship is unstable.  The Cotton Bowl (moved to Jerry World of course) or the Peach Bowl needs to be the 5th location.  The New and Improved Cotton Bowl would win out because of the nicer venue with more seating, which of course means more money which is what all of us want.
 
Now THAT is change we can believe in!
 
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
 
Dancing With The Spares
 
The worst thing about the new fall season starting on TV this week is the return of the shows The Lovely Mrs. Coach Pounds can't get enough of that I can't stand.  At the top of this list is Dancing With The Stars.  The music is terrible.  It is about dancing.  And there are no REAL stars.  This is where Coach Pounds steps in to help out you, the people.  I will now show you the lack of stars on this show with the following ratings:
 
1 Star - I had to look up who the "star" was on Wikipedia
2 Stars - I have heard the "star's" name before, but nothing beyond that
3 Stars - Used to be a "star" but that was a VERY long time ago
4 Stars - A "star" who would have a hard time going out to eat because of autograph seekers
5 Stars - A real star who could get in anywhere, say anything, and do anything without consequences
 
Season 1 (1.83 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Trista Rehn - 1 Star - From some other reality show where she got married.  Big stinkin deal.  I got married and I'm not on this show.  Not a good start for season 1.
Evander Holyfield - 3 Stars - Big in his day but he has been long forgotten.  When Tyson bit off his ear, he ceased to exist.
Rachael Hunter - 3 Stars - About the hottest thing going in her day...which was a very long time ago.
Joey McIntyre - 1 Star - Former New Kid On The Block...need I say more?
John O'Hurley - 2 Stars - A bit, but great, character on Seinfeld.  If I wasn't such a fan of the show, he would be down to 1 star.
Kelly Monaco - 1 Star - Nothing like a former Playmate turned actress to round out this stellar field of contestants.  The only good thing about this season had to have been that there was only 6 contestants.
 
Season 2 (2 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Kenny Mayne - 2 Stars - Sportscenter anchor who I have never found funny or even the least bit entertaining.
Tatum O'Neal - 3 Stars - The bad thing is this show could have been 10 years earlier and she still would have been at this rating.
Giselle Fernandez - 1 Star - A journalist?  I would watch Dancing With The Journalists if I could finally figure out if Gloria Campos or Mike Snyder was the better dancer.  That would be entertaining.
Master P - 3 Stars - I am being generous here by not rating him at a 2 because I met him when I worked with the Mavs.
Tia Carrere - 3 Stars - Wayne's World is her only relevance to this world and that will never change.
George Hamilton - 2 Stars - Please see Tatum O'Neal's explanation and add 20 years.
Lisa Rinna - 1 Star - Thanks to a picture on Wikipedia I will not be able to sleep tonight in fear of her giant fake lips.
Stacy Keibler - 1 Star - Former wrestler.  She is too good looking to be a wrestler.  She should at least be a waitress at Hooters.
Jerry Rice - 4 Stars - The greatest receiver of all time turns into a woman.  So sad.
Drew Lachey - 2 Stars - The brother of Jessica Simpson's ex-husband and second fiddle boy band mate.  No, I don't know how that makes you a star so please quit asking.
 
Season 3 (2.09 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Tucker Carlson - 1 Star - MSNBC news anchor.  Reading a teleprompter doesn't mean that you are a star.
Shanna Moakler - 1 Star - Former Miss USA turned Playmate turned Reality Television Star.  I wonder if the downward spiral will continue with "turned professional bathtub scrubber."
Harry Hamlin - 1 Star - LA Law actor.  He couldn't even make it on a real law show like Law and Order.
Vivica A. Fox - 3 Stars - I love the movie Set It Off.  Something about angry black women robbing banks to get back at "The Man" connects with me.  Go figure.
Willa Ford - 1 Star - Pop singer.  I am sure that she is very talented.  I hope that she is very talented at saying "Would you like fries with that?"
Sara Evans - 2 Stars - Fake country singer.  She used to be kinda hot, but now she is just old and untalented.
Jerry Springer - 3 Stars - JERRY!  JERRY!  JERRY!  I guess that he was the moderator for all of these losers.
Monique Coleman - 1 Star - High School Musical actress who didn't get invited back for the sequel.  Ouch.
Joey Lawrence - 3 Stars - Blossom, WHOA!  Six, WHOA!  They don't make shows like that anymore...thank God.
Mario Lopez - 3 Stars - AC Slater.  The mullet is a classic.  He may be the dumbest person alive to mess up his marriage with Ali Landry for a bachelor party fling.  Idiot.
Emmitt Smith - 4 Stars - I can't comment on this one without throwing my computer across the room.
 
Season 4 (2.27 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Paulina Porizkova - 1 Star - Model who's boyfriend died in the tsunami.  That's sad.
Shandi Finnessey - 1 Star - Miss USA.  You have got to be kidding.  I could go to any place in Austin right now and find 10 women inside that one place that are better looking than her.
Leeza Gibbons - 2 Stars - Talk show host who has a giant bag of nothing.
Clyde Drexler - 3 Stars - One member of the Houston "Thank God Michael Jordan took a couple of years off so we could actually have a shot at winning a title" Rockets.
Heather Mills - 2 Stars - Poor Paul McCartney.  Dad always told me to never trust a former homeless girl with one leg.  Paul found out that Dad is always right.
John Ratzenberger - 3 Stars - Cheers may be the #2 TV show of all time behind Seinfeld.  He played a BIG part of that.
Billy Ray Cyrus - 3 Stars - Achy Breaky Heart.  Yuck!
Ian Ziering - 2 Stars - 90210.  He's no AC Slater!
Laila Ali - 2 Stars - Her dad is known as "The Greatest."  She will forever be known as "Who?"
Joey Fatone - 2 Stars - N'Sync.  No not the talented one the other one...no not the gay one the other one...nevermind...
Apolo Anton Ohno - 4 Stars - Please note that this ranking is only given to him if he wore the medals to the restaurant.  If not then he may get mistaken as the busboy.
 
Season 5 (1.92 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Josie Maran - 1 Star - Actress in nothing I have seen or heard of.
Albert Reed - 1 Star - Male Model.  Zoolander is a GREAT movie.
Wayne Newton - 3 Stars - He should have stayed in Las Vegas.  What a sideshow.
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. - 2 Stars - Good boxer.  It has to be hard to be intimidating to other boxers once you have been seen doing the "foxtrot."
Mark Cuban - 4 Stars - Former boss and current psycho.  I wonder if his head will actually explode as he is watching his basketball team not make the playoffs this season.  Stay tuned.
Sabrina Bryan - 1 Star - Cheetah Girls actress.  Further evidence that Disney is trying to take over the world.
Jane Seymour - 3 Stars - I love her.  She was so hot in Live and Let Die as a Bond girl.  Lately she was the crazy mom in Wedding Crashers.  So many quotable lines...so little time.
Cameron Mathison - 1 Star - Soap Opera actor.  If only I was a stay at home mom.
Jennie Garth - 2 Stars - The only hot girl on 90210.  You may disagree, but you would be wrong.
Marie Osmond - 2 Stars - So you are telling me that Mormons can't drink Coke but can dance around on a TV show?  I am so confused.
Mel B - 1 Star - Former Spice Girl that isn't David Beckham's wife.  So I say who cares.
Helio Castroneves - 2 Stars - Racecar driver not named Mario Andretti.  So I say who cares.
 
Season 6 (2.16 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Penn Jillette - 2 Stars - Follow Wayne Newton back to Vegas.
Monica Seles - 3 Stars - Stabbed while playing tennis.  Now THAT is a violent sport.
Steve Guttenberg - 2 Stars - Not the writer of the Guttenberg Bible.
Adam Carolla - 2 Stars - Having a small foreign car named after him hasn't done anything for his career.
Priscilla Presley - 3 Stars - Which makes her more famous?  Being married to Elvis or her acting on the Naked Gun trilogy?
Marlee Matlin - 2 Stars - The Wife tells me that during the post dance interviews the host would put the mic in front of her face.  The reason this is odd is because she is deaf.
Shannon Elizabeth - 2 Stars - The foreign girl on American Pie.  If you would have told me that she died after the making of that movie, I would have believed you.
Marissa Jaret Winokur - 1 Star - She is kinda big...there is nothing wrong with that...but aren't there lifts and stuff in dancing...yikes...
Cristian de la Fuente - 1 Star - Male Model.  "Maybe there is more to life than being really really really really ridiculously good looking?"  If there is, I haven't found it.
Jason Taylor - 4 Stars - Former defensive player of the year in the NFL turned dancer.  No comment.
Kristi Yamaguchi - 3 Stars - This doesn't seem fair.  Isn't ice skating ballroom dancing on ice?
 
Season 7 (1.85 Stars Per Contestant)
 
Lance Bass - 2 Stars - Finally the gay one from N'Sync has his prayers answered.
Toni Braxton - 3 Stars - She used to be so fine in her day.  Her in the Unbreak My Heart video is hard to beat.
Brooke Burke - 1 Star - Host on the E! network.  What is the E! network?
Rocco DiSpirito - 1 Star - A chef...who will soon be at a Chili's near you.
Maurice Green - 3 Stars - He was fast.  Now he is dancing to try and stay relevant.  Poor guy.
Kim Kardashian - 2 Stars - I recognize that last name...FREE OJ!!!
Cloris Leachman - 1 Star - Imagine your grandmother dancing on TV with a young guy.  No one wants to see that, do they?
Cody Linley - 1 Star - Hanna Montana star.  I warned you about Disney.
Susan Lucci - 2 Stars - I am still not a stay at home mom.
Misty May-Treanor - 2 Stars - Another female athlete who people label as hot who is not.  All female athletes are overrated on the hottness scale.  This means you Anna Kournikova!
Ted McGinley - 2 Stars - He is listed as a former Married With Children actor.  Where is the Happy Days love?
Jeffrey Ross - 1 Star - Comedian...not funny.
Warren Sapp - 3 Stars - Yes ladies he is a defensive lineman just like Jason Taylor.  No need to get all crazy about this one though.  He is a different kind of defensive lineman.  He will not be ripping off his shirt and you will applaud that.
 
Sunday, September 14, 2008
 
My apologies to the Edward S. Marcus High School Class of 1998.
 
Last night should have been a banner night in my life for it was the 10 year reunion for my high school graduating class.  I am sure there would have been so many of my old buddies and girlfriends from high school there and we would have caught up on how erveryone is doing and remember the old times.  I am not absolutely sure what would have happened because I wasn't there.  Here are my reasons:
 
5.) Money.  $60 per person ($120 for me and The Lovely Mrs. Coach Pounds if you are keeping track at home) is a bunch of money for what would probably end up being finger foods and water.  Please remember my financial motto, You Can't Make Dollars If You Don't Make Sense.  You're Welcome.
 
4.) The High School Crowd.  There isn't anyone from my senior class that I didn't like.  As usually is the case now, I am friends with pretty much everyone.  When high school ends there are 2 types of people: those who continue to hang out with the same friends from high school and those who move on to college friends.  I am in the group who moved on.  This group is usually seen as eliteist to the other group because we didn't stay in touch with them.  I may keep in touch with 2 or 3 people from my class of 600.  I keep in touch with many of my college friends because the 4+ years of college was much more formative for me than were my 4 years of high school.
 
3.) Man of Mystery.  Please note that the following probably didn't happen but here's to hopeing!  I want to be one of those people who gets talked about at the reunion wondering "what is he up to?"  This is where crazy rumors get started and I love rumors about me.  I could see it now:
 
Random Reunioner #1: "Where is Mason?  I didn't see him on the RSVP list."
Random Reunioner #2: "I don't know.  He sure was crazy!  I bet he is in jail or living in some random country like Mongolia."
 
Random Overhearing Reunioner #1: "Did you hear about Mason?"
Random Reunioner #3: "No where is he?"
Random Overhearing Reunioner #1: "He is currently in a Mongolian jail because he tried to assasinate their king!  How amazing is that?"
Random Reunioner #3: "So much for me being cool because I am an astronaut.  Mason was always crazy like that."
 
(Please note that the next 2 reasons are the real reasons that I didn't go and the other 3 are just window dressing for the following.)
 
2.) Birthday Dinner.  My beautiful, wonderful, georgeous, talented, gracious, and smart wife has her 29th birthday this Tuesday.  Since Saturday night is the only night where I am available for dinner with my wife during football season, we celebrated last night.  Dragging her to my 10 year reunion would have been such a beating for her.  Everyone asking stupid questions like "How do you put up with this guy?" or "Do you just laugh all the time married to this guy?" and others like it.  Instead we got dressed up and went to a fancy shmancy restaurant at the Shops at Legacy with a bunch of rich people from Frisco and Plano and had a very nice and quiet meal without any interruptions.
 
1.) The Ol Stick In The Mud.  There are very few things that annoy me.  So many others find me annoying that it is rather hypocritical if many things annoyed me.  Top on the list of things that annoy me is forced conversation which is all a 10 year reunion is made up of.  If I see any of these people at Wal Mart or something like that I can look the other way or go to the other side of the store to avoid conversation.  At a reunion it is unavoidable.  I love talking to my wife, my friends, my family, and other people that I keep up with and care about.  Anyone else, I need a context to be thrilled about conversation with.  It is so bad that I choose to show up late for church because the greeters will not be there anymore.  The customary "Hi, how are you doing?" from people who don't know me bothers me.  What if instead of saying "fine" I really told that person how I was doing for an hour or so.  Would they have asked the question if they knew they were going to get the real answer.  At a reunion, everyone wants to first catch up on how you are doing and then talk about the old times.  I want to do neither.  They don't care about what I have been doing, it is just rude to jump into reliving old times without catching up first.  It drives me CRAZY!  This annoyance has only come up the last year or so but it gets worse everyday.  The wife says this is the only evidence that she needs to prove that I am getting old and crotchedy well before my age would suggest that I am.  I'm ok with that because I will always be able to remind her that I am younger than she is.
 
In closing, congratulations to all of the Edward S. Marcus High School Class of 1998.  I wish you all well and maybe I will see you at the 25th anniversary.
 
From my prison cell somewhere in the badlands of Mongolia,
~Mason
 
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
 
WARNING!  WARNING!  HOT POLITICAL OPINIONS BELOW!
 
With the Democratic National Convention last week and the Republican National Convention this week eating up all of the air time on many TV stations on my DirecTV, I thought that I would weigh in on my ideas of the political process and even whom I will be voting for.  Let the loud screaming sword fight begin!
 
I am not a Republican.  I am not a Democrat.  As long as I live I will not vote for either of these party's candidates for the president or any other high ranking official.  This country was not built around a two party political system, but that is what it has turned into.  Now the only people who can be elected to a national office have to be super rich, a career politician, and fit into the perfect profile of their respective machines.  At this rate, there is no way that either Roosevelt, Washington, Lincoln, Polk, Jackson, or many of the other greatest presidents in the history of the United States could be elected now.  George Washington wasn't affiliated with a party.  Theodore, my personal favorite, had to create his own party because his own machine found him to be unelectable and the nation was robbed of 4 more years of his greatness.  Instead they got Taft and Wilson in back to back terms which led to Harding, Coolidge, and Hoover.  The only way they could correct this great wrong is by next electing another person who would be unelectable today with the same last name as Teddy.
 
The platform of Teddy's new party was more true now than it probably was then, and that platform was the following, "To destroy this invisible Government, to dissolve the unholy alliance between corrupt business and corrupt politics is the first task of the statesmanship of the day."  No one could ever stand up and say this now for fear of being outcasted by their money stream and their power machine.
 
Our country, the United States of America, is no longer a republic in its true form.  Our current representatives are not "chosen" by the people, they are chosen by those in power who control the money, the industry, and the individuals of influence within this once great land of ours.  We are forced to agree with their decisions and try to justify "our" choice over the next 4 years.
 
I am not saying that the 2 gentlemen that are their party's representatives are bad guys.  One is a real American hero and the other once tried to fight against the powers that now control him.  I am saying the people, organizations, and other influences that control their partys are the bad guys.  These two men, are just like us, pawns in a game that none of us are allowed to play or even know the truth of what is going on.  We just have to accept what is being fed to us by them.  I cannot accept this.
 
I will not vote this year or any year until there is a candidate who actually tells me what he or she believes is best for the country and what the best way to carry it out is.  I will only vote for someone that is not connected to political machines, political ideology, or money that is tainted by lobbyists trying to buy the candidates way of thinking.  This is not the America that our forefathers meant for us or our children and I for one refuse to copitulate to the ways of thinking of corrupt men and women who put their own interests before the interests of their country that they have been put in place to lead.
 
I choose to rage against the machines that control this country instead of support them.  I am by no means saying that you should do the same.  I would hope that you would do your own research and formulate your own opinions about the current state of politics in this country and react accordingly.
 
Thanks for reading and God Bless America.